[This memory opens as Zapper's friend and manager finds her slumping in her seat in front of a half-empty glass at a local e-sports bar. Games are being broadcast on the television screens, but Zapper isn't really watching them - she's looking at her cellphone, with a text to Seeker to come drink with her if wanted, but now that person is here, pulling up on another stool.]
What're you having?
[and Zapper responds, forgetting already that she is the one who invited:]
No idea, but it's my second one. Are you here to chew me out for team practice? Cause I'm not in the fucking mood.
I was going to ask why you missed it, but no, no chewing. Everybody missed it, so it's basically canceled. The whole team gets a self-care day, as far as I'm concerned.
[Zapper feels a twinge of guilt. She's used to storming off on her own after a major upset, especially one as bad as the game they just lost. The rest of the team though? That's not so typical.]
Well, crap. That's bad. Not the self-care thing, but the 'everybody gone' thing... also, I'm failing at the self-care thing, for that matter. I'm reasonably sure going out boozing 'cause you're sad counts as self-destruction more than self-care, right?
[she sighs, sinking again.] ...Valkyrie wouldn't do this, and yet here I am.
You're not Valkyrie, [Seeker attempts to affirm, but is waved off.]
Yeah. I'm not. I'm probably going to be a washed-up loser when I'm her age. [She takes another deep gulp of the drink, then sets it aside to turn to her conversation partner with clear frustration in her eyes, as she goes into a rant.]
It's ridiculous, right? Tell me you agree it's ridiculous. You can't be a middle-aged esports star, no one can! The prime for esports players is actually late teens to early twenties. After that point, it's basically over. Reflexes slow down. You have trouble keeping up with the meta... that's not ageism. That's statistics and biology. The human body only has a short window where it operates at peak performance. As you get older, you transition to being an industry rep, or a coach, or... or as sickening as it is to say, a trading card game expert! And I am not gonna be untapping red mana during the upkeep phase into my fifties. That is the opposite of awesome.
And Valkyrie... Victoria Proude. She followed that arc, right? Retired when she hit thirty, transitioned to coaching. Made money. Did well for herself. ...And then she goes 'Oh hey I feel like being a player again' and completely obliterates us at a high-profile event!
[Her more reasonable friend seems rightly skeptical about all this. But Zapper is ready to shoot them down, caught in her doubts.]
I mean... is it really that implausible? The Demon's pushing late thirties but he's doing well in the Four Heavenly Kings...
There's a reason 4HK are seen as more of a 'legend' than a 'competitor.' They innovate new play methods and everybody loves them, but they aren't really conquerors anymore. Not like Team Play-2-Win. Not like Valkyrie...
[Sensing that Zapper is not getting off this topic, Seeker attempts to talk her through it.]
So... how do you think she did it? How'd she not lose a single step as she got older?
[Zapper pulls her phone out, scrolling through her bookmarks for a news article she researched.]
A question I've been asking myself all day. And I think I have the answer... Yoga. Going vegan. Regular exercise. Never smoked, doesn't drink. No kids of her own to wrangle. Nothing except absolute drive and determination to stay in shape... She's a goddamn machine. 24/7 dedicated to maintaining her high performance. No wonder she came roaring back from obscurity.
[Zapper is seriously fretting over this, as the protagonist with her can tell.]
Okay, I can see why the very idea of this would disgust you. Spending hours every day on a strict regimen of self-dicipline is very much not Zapper.
Exactly. My ideal is awesomeness - doing whatever I want, whenever I want. No compromise. Because... because nothing matters and the universe is unfair. It doesn't care if you're naughty or nice, clean or dirty. It takes, and it takes...
If life is a currency, I want to spend it, not hoard it and conserve it like Valkyrie does.
So you need to figure out a way to beat her without compromising your ideals...
Yeah. Easier said than done, right?
[Now Zapper is just staring into the thin layer of bubbling liquid that remains in the bottom of her glass.]
He was right, you know. Domino... remember back when I kicked his ass? It's because he mocked me by saying soon I'd be old and slow and tired. That's what scares me. That's what really set me off. He said all my glory days would be memories to look back on in sorrow once I was a retired jock. Alone and unloved, with nothing in my life...
[Her eyes narrow bitterly.]
I chose to live hard, play hard. When you're a teenager, you feel immortal. I felt like I could do damn near anything... I'm only in my twenties, but I can see the end of my road on the horizon, y'know? It's like my midlife crisis hit me early, because... well, live fast, die young. Maybe Domino was right. I could flame out hard and end up busted and old and alone. Or, I could burn away any semblance of fun from my life so I can keep the glory going like Valkyrie did. I don't know. And several beers in, I still don't know. Maybe there isn't a solution. Just, uuugggh. I don't like compromising, especially when it comes to living my life. Even if it's the adult thing to do.
Hate to remind you of it but you are technically an adult, yes.
Yeah. Hard fact of life, isn't it? ....Okay. At the very least, sitting around here sucking back pints is probably not helping my situation. It's not even fun drinking. It's just drinking.
[She hops off the barstool then, after nudging aside her glass. Finally, a smile is on her face.]
If I'm going to go beat my brains out with barley and hops, it's going to be for a way cooler reason than this. Let's get back to the arcade. Maybe we can salvage the day, right...?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Ideal
Date: 2022-11-29 03:58 am (UTC)What're you having?
[and Zapper responds, forgetting already that she is the one who invited:]
No idea, but it's my second one. Are you here to chew me out for team practice? Cause I'm not in the fucking mood.
I was going to ask why you missed it, but no, no chewing. Everybody missed it, so it's basically canceled. The whole team gets a self-care day, as far as I'm concerned.
[Zapper feels a twinge of guilt. She's used to storming off on her own after a major upset, especially one as bad as the game they just lost. The rest of the team though? That's not so typical.]
Well, crap. That's bad. Not the self-care thing, but the 'everybody gone' thing... also, I'm failing at the self-care thing, for that matter. I'm reasonably sure going out boozing 'cause you're sad counts as self-destruction more than self-care, right?
[she sighs, sinking again.] ...Valkyrie wouldn't do this, and yet here I am.
You're not Valkyrie, [Seeker attempts to affirm, but is waved off.]
Yeah. I'm not. I'm probably going to be a washed-up loser when I'm her age. [She takes another deep gulp of the drink, then sets it aside to turn to her conversation partner with clear frustration in her eyes, as she goes into a rant.]
It's ridiculous, right? Tell me you agree it's ridiculous. You can't be a middle-aged esports star, no one can! The prime for esports players is actually late teens to early twenties. After that point, it's basically over. Reflexes slow down. You have trouble keeping up with the meta... that's not ageism. That's statistics and biology. The human body only has a short window where it operates at peak performance. As you get older, you transition to being an industry rep, or a coach, or... or as sickening as it is to say, a trading card game expert! And I am not gonna be untapping red mana during the upkeep phase into my fifties. That is the opposite of awesome.
And Valkyrie... Victoria Proude. She followed that arc, right? Retired when she hit thirty, transitioned to coaching. Made money. Did well for herself. ...And then she goes 'Oh hey I feel like being a player again' and completely obliterates us at a high-profile event!
[Her more reasonable friend seems rightly skeptical about all this. But Zapper is ready to shoot them down, caught in her doubts.]
I mean... is it really that implausible? The Demon's pushing late thirties but he's doing well in the Four Heavenly Kings...
There's a reason 4HK are seen as more of a 'legend' than a 'competitor.' They innovate new play methods and everybody loves them, but they aren't really conquerors anymore. Not like Team Play-2-Win. Not like Valkyrie...
[Sensing that Zapper is not getting off this topic, Seeker attempts to talk her through it.]
So... how do you think she did it? How'd she not lose a single step as she got older?
[Zapper pulls her phone out, scrolling through her bookmarks for a news article she researched.]
A question I've been asking myself all day. And I think I have the answer... Yoga. Going vegan. Regular exercise. Never smoked, doesn't drink. No kids of her own to wrangle. Nothing except absolute drive and determination to stay in shape... She's a goddamn machine. 24/7 dedicated to maintaining her high performance. No wonder she came roaring back from obscurity.
[Zapper is seriously fretting over this, as the protagonist with her can tell.]
Okay, I can see why the very idea of this would disgust you. Spending hours every day on a strict regimen of self-dicipline is very much not Zapper.
Exactly. My ideal is awesomeness - doing whatever I want, whenever I want. No compromise. Because... because nothing matters and the universe is unfair. It doesn't care if you're naughty or nice, clean or dirty. It takes, and it takes...
If life is a currency, I want to spend it, not hoard it and conserve it like Valkyrie does.
So you need to figure out a way to beat her without compromising your ideals...
Yeah. Easier said than done, right?
[Now Zapper is just staring into the thin layer of bubbling liquid that remains in the bottom of her glass.]
He was right, you know. Domino... remember back when I kicked his ass? It's because he mocked me by saying soon I'd be old and slow and tired. That's what scares me. That's what really set me off. He said all my glory days would be memories to look back on in sorrow once I was a retired jock. Alone and unloved, with nothing in my life...
[Her eyes narrow bitterly.]
I chose to live hard, play hard. When you're a teenager, you feel immortal. I felt like I could do damn near anything... I'm only in my twenties, but I can see the end of my road on the horizon, y'know? It's like my midlife crisis hit me early, because... well, live fast, die young. Maybe Domino was right. I could flame out hard and end up busted and old and alone. Or, I could burn away any semblance of fun from my life so I can keep the glory going like Valkyrie did. I don't know. And several beers in, I still don't know. Maybe there isn't a solution. Just, uuugggh. I don't like compromising, especially when it comes to living my life. Even if it's the adult thing to do.
Hate to remind you of it but you are technically an adult, yes.
Yeah. Hard fact of life, isn't it? ....Okay. At the very least, sitting around here sucking back pints is probably not helping my situation. It's not even fun drinking. It's just drinking.
[She hops off the barstool then, after nudging aside her glass. Finally, a smile is on her face.]
If I'm going to go beat my brains out with barley and hops, it's going to be for a way cooler reason than this. Let's get back to the arcade. Maybe we can salvage the day, right...?